Lessons learned in Ella's room

One of my most favorite things to do these days is watch my little Ella play. She has become so independent, and it fascinates me to watch her explore and discover things.  

It's crazy the things she has learned and how little I feel like I've taught her. 

Sometimes I just want to hover over her and be involved in every little move she makes, but a lot of the time it amazes me just to hold back a little, and see what she does, see the moves that she makes, see the things that are fascinating to her (with plenty of supervision, I promise!) 

A lot of the time my days are filled with poop, and snotty noses, pureed sweet potatoes, and pat-a-cake. But amid all of that, I catch glimpses of divinity. I think that's the greatest part of mothering this little girl--discovering new heavenly principles. 

Watching her play and explore and discover and learn has done just that for me. 

When I was in Young Womens, I loved the music of Lyndsi Houskeeper--she would come out with a new album every year that went along with the new mutual theme. To this day, a lot of her lyrics have stuck with me. And lately, some in particular have become prominent:

"I'm holding on, just a little

so you know you're not alone.

I'm letting go, just a little

so you can reach your goal."

Now, you guys, I know I have a lot of tear-filled days ahead--Ella's first day of Kindergarten, her first high school prom, her first day of college. I have a lot of letting go ahead of me! 

She is a toddler, and I get to cuddle and love on her anytime I want. But watching her grow has opened my eyes a little bit. 

Heavenly Father is ALWAYS there for us--we know we aren't alone. 

But he also lets go a little--letting us learn, grow, discover, and use our own agency to give us the opportunity to become the person he wants us to be. 

I'm grateful for these lessons that teach me more about Heavenly Father and teach me how to be a better parent to my baby. 

Because honestly, I fail a lot of the time. I am probably the epitome of a helicopter mother. 

But maybe sometimes I need to let go, or step back, just a little so as to make room for Ella to become the girl that God wants her to be. 

"We hold in our arms the rising generation. They come to this earth with important responsibilities and great spiritual capacities. We cannot be casual in how we prepare them. Our challenge as parents and teachers is not to create a spiritual core in their souls but rather to fan the flame of their spiritual core already aglow with the fire of their premortal faith."

-Neil L. Andersen 

Out of Ashes

We live just a few blocks away from this beautiful House of the Lord, and we've been so blessed to have watched its construction over the past couple of years. We were also so lucky to be able to be there together as a family a few times throughout the open house! It is amazing and has become such a treasure to us. 

"What a cherished piece of history we celebrate...like a phoenix rising from the ashes, a temple on the ground and out of the loving memory of our beloved tabernacle."

-Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

This temple has become a symbol to me: through the fire and ashes of our own lives, Heavenly Father can transform us into something magnificent, beautiful and consecrated. 

Life Lately

Our little life is pretty quiet most of the time, but realizing that Scott only has a few more months left of school and that we could very well be leaving Northern Utah soon, I've been trying to enjoy the fun place we live in a little more lately! 

We took Ella to the Living Planet Aquarium in Draper a few weeks ago. We were hesitant to head up there because Ella tends to freak out when it come to animals, and we didn't want to just have to leave as soon as we got up there! But she proved us both wrong, and she LOVED it! 

This is about the only good photo we got of Ella the entire time; she was mesmerized, and definitely did not have time to be posing for the camera!

She did get a little upset for a minute when a little piranha came swimming towards her, but those sharks swimming all around her didn't phase her at all--she cracks us up. 

Last weekend, we decided to take her to the Bean Museum on BYU campus. Now, Scott and I have been to this place probably a billion times while attending BYU, but things are infinitely more exciting when watching your own child experience them for the first time! Again, I was curious if Ella would be freaked out by all of the massive taxidermied animals (because lets be honest, they kind of freak ME out), but again, she had the time of her life.

At times, she didn't seem to care too much about the giant animals around us. The kids around her were a lot more entertaining. I'm pretty sure that's what she's focused on in this shot! 

 "Haa--ii!" 

She had to greet every animal we saw. 

Our little tour guide. "And over here is the bear eating the caribou!" 

The next night, we were able to go to the BYU-Gonzaga basketball game as a family! It was so much fun to be there together! We have LOVED being BYU students. And the fight song is officially Ella's new favorite jam. 

14-month-old Ella

My baby has become a toddler right before my eyes, and it is such a bittersweet experience--sad because my tiny, snuggly baby is big and doesn't want to sit still anymore, and yet it's so, so much fun because I get to see her cute personality emerge more and more everyday. 

She has curly hair that seems to go wild just a few minutes after I brush it every morning after bath time, but I love it. Her hair also finally fits into little, itty-bitty pigtails! 

She is a walking fool now! And is all. over. the. place! She will also chase after anyone and is such a social little girl (almost to a fault!) My mom and I were at the grocery store with her a few weeks ago and ran into an acquaintance. Ella has never met this guy, but he held out his arms to her and she reached for him and gave him a hug around the neck! Oh my! We've got to teach her some stranger danger.  

Classic Ella face. These days, she makes this face more than she smiles! She seems to gasp and pulls this face at every new thing she sees. Also if we ask her if she wants a cookie. We've trained her well. 

See ya later, Mom! This basically sums up my life right now. 

She is seriously in heaven every time we go outside. If we're having a grumpy day or if we're going stir-crazy, I just ask her if she wants to go to the park, and she jumps up and waddles over to the front door. It is her favorite thing, and we probably go everyday!  She loves swinging, walking around the grass and watching other kids. 

I love my sweet baby. 

Other Ella milestones: 

-She is FINALLY getting her top teeth. For months she has only had two little teeth--and just as we were worried she wouldn't get more teeth until she reached elementary school (jk), her little top teeth are starting to break up that gummy smile. She was getting really good at gumming through her food!

-Her favorite foods: EVERYTHING! Except pasta. She particularly loves chicken, applesauce, and yogurt. But for reals, she will eat anything. And I probably just jinxed myself for proclaiming that.

-Her favorite words: Da-da (her absolute favorite, if she doesn't know how to say a word, Da-da is the word she says), Ma-ma, Papa, Non-na (my mom), aaahh--daaah (all done, with a head bob), Haa-i (she says this to everything/everyone she sees), kickle-kickle (tickle, she even scratches our backs when she says it sometimes, it's the best concept we've ever taught her :)), ho-ho-ho (this was drilled into her head at Christmastime)

-She also loves to dance! I'm pretty sure all toddlers do, but seriously, this girl has got some moves. Her latest move is the Single Ladies hand twist. Thanks, Aunt Amanda! 

We are OBSESSED with her!! 

-

Our baby girl turns one

I can't believe it's been a year (more like 14 months! oops!) since we welcomed our precious Ella to her earthly home. She has brought more happiness into our lives then we could've ever imagined.  

We were able to celebrate her birthday over Christmas break with both her Snow and Cottle families in St. George. I was worried about Ella always having to have her birthday so close to Christmas; I want her day to always be special and not get lost among all of the holiday festivities. But I actually think it's going to be so fun to always be able to celebrate her special day with her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins! It will always be a party--this year was no exception:

We are obsessed with this girly. She is silly, sweet and sassy--the perfect combo, if you ask me! 

Just the details.. It was so fun to plan this simple party with my amazing chef-sister! She made ALL of the goodies--and let me tell ya, they were delicious! If you ever need an amazing cake or baked good, hit her up. She has major skills! Love you, Panda!!

Princess Ella--soaking up the attention! 

"Get this thing off of me, and get me that cake!" I knew the crown wouldn't last long! 

"Mmmmm.... so good!" Ella did a great job of NOT destroying her cake! Rather, she broke off little pieces here and there like a little lady. She LOVED it, though. 

This is the little tent I made for Ella as her birthday gift. I have very little sewing skill, and this tent is quite lopsided (don't look too closely!) But I think Ella loves it (even if she just uses it as her hideout while she fills her pants.) 

It was so fun to spend this night with our family as we celebrated this little girl who has brightened our lives! We adore you, sweet Ella! And I am SO lucky to be your momma! 

Being Ella's Mom

It's been ten months since we met our darling Ella. She is the sunshine of our lives and has brought heaven into our home.
Obviously ten months of motherhood still places me in the rookie category, but this little girl has changed my life, altered my perspectives and illuminated my testimony of God's love.

When I was halfway through my pregnancy, I overheard a conversation that crushed me for a little while afterwards. Two people who I admire and respect were conversing, not realizing that I could hear everything they were saying, about how YOUNG I was to be having a baby (I am! It's true!), how quickly I was having a baby after getting married (It's true! It was fast!), and how that wasn't the particular life path that they would have chosen. Okay, so really not a big deal, right? AND, everything they said was totally and completely 100% true (#stereotypicalmormongirl.) For some reason, I fed into what I had heard and I started to doubt my ability to mother this baby girl that I had yet to meet.

I was only 21, and I didn't know what the heck I was doing.
I had dreams of traveling the world, studying art, and having a career.
Scott and I were newbies at the whole marriage thing, and we still had so much to learn (still do!)
I wasn't finished with school yet--I still had/have a couple of semesters to go.

I was so insecure about this upcoming change in my life. I felt incapable and inadequate. And I was terrified thinking of the new responsibilities I would have.

Now, 10 months later, I still sometimes feel inadequate and incapable. I am the most-frequent caller to the after-hours nurse at Ella's doctors office. I may or may not have frantically raced to the ER twice thinking that Ella was terribly ill just to be sent home by a kind doctor who probably laughed as I left after telling me that my baby was perfectly healthy. One time I let my baby lick a chocolate covered raisin and the next thing I knew I was giving her the Heimlich. I panic as I read blogs from moms who seem to have it all together, who's babies are singing songs and reading Jane Austen novels by six months old (jk, but sometimes it feels that way!) and who proudly proclaim that it only took them 5 days to get back to their pre-pregnancy weight. I sometimes get frustrated and want to cry when my baby poops on the carpet or when all she wants to do is play with computer cords and lick the bottom of all of the shoes in the house.

In short, you guys, I am dumb. I am so imperfect in my mothering. But being a mom, especially to my angel girl Ella, is more enriching and wonderful and rewarding than I could have ever imagined.

As I said earlier in the post, this little girl has come and filled my life with the light of God's love--for her, for me, and for my whole family. I am her mom, and I just can't explain how much I LOVE this girl! How could anyone love something more than I love my Ella girl? But someone does. Heavenly Father loves Ella so perfectly, so unconditionally, so much more than I could ever comprehend. Being her mom and feeling that parental (although imperfect) love for her has taught me so much about the love that God has for all of His children. Ella pinches her finger in a drawer and looks up at me with her sweet little sad face. And my heart melts and all I want to do is snuggle and kiss her and make it better. She takes a couple of steps towards me while her little face beams and I feel like my little one has just conquered the greatest feat ever. Her giggles are contagious and my heart breaks when she is sick or hurting. Even though I love her with my whole heart, my love for her is imperfect. But God's love for His precious girl is perfection.

As I watch my baby learn and grow, I can't help but feel like I am learning so much about how God feels not only about this precious spirit that He is entrusting me to raise, but also about His love for me. I am starting to think that that's what being a parent is all about. Feeling a tiny ounce of the perfect love Heavenly Father has for His children. He cheers us on, is happy when we make even one small step to come closer to Him, understands when we are hurting, and wants us to be happy and successful (even more than we can imagine!)

It makes me think that this whole experience as a parent is cyclical and, in turn, is showing me that He understands my shortcomings as a mother, that He is happy when I turn to him, and that He wants me to be successful. I am in awe of the opportunity He has given me to be a mother, and I am thankful that He is always there to help me, and to lift me from my imperfections (because I have SO many!)

Washington D.C.

Back in February, I got a little travel bug, and like 10 minutes later I was on the phone with Scott, explaining to him how badly I needed a getaway, and Southwest was having a phenomenal sale, and I REALLY wanted to go to Washington D.C. 

My mom happily agreed to watch Ella for a week, and we were sold! We booked our trip during Scott's break between semesters in August, and basically we just had the best time ever!! 

This is going to be the most boring blog post ever. Don't read it. Does anyone even read this blog? I don't know. I just want to document it for myself. It was just so great! 

We said goodbye to Ella (very emotional for the momma), but she was happy and spoiled at my mom and dad's house, so how could I worry about her? 

This was my first time to D.C., so we just did every touristy thing that we could. These were the highlights, in my opinion. 

 We started out the trip at George Washington's Mount Vernon. I LOVED being here. It was amazing to walk around the estate thinking about George Washington walking those same paths that I was! Mount Vernon sheds such a personal light on the nation's first, glorified leader, and I loved that. Also, try not to notice my selfie arm reflected in my sunglasses. Hehe, whoops. 

And just check out this view of the Potomac that Washington had as he stood on his own back porch. I couldn't help but think of him gazing over this river as he held the weighty decisions of the new nation on his shoulders. Seriously this picture doesn't even do it justice--so picturesque. 

As if being at Mount Vernon wasn't cool enough for one day, we had the chance to head over to Ford's Theater later on that afternoon. This place has to be one of my favorite parts of D.C. One of the coolest parts of the tour is the museum that exists in the basement of the theater. The museum houses the gun that John Wilkes Booth used to shoot Lincoln and several other artifacts that played roles in the different plots and events that took place during the night of Lincoln's assassination. We were also able to head across the street to the Petersen House where Lincoln died--pretty sobering. 

 The next morning, before our Capitol tour, we took a little detour to the Library of Congress. This was totally an afterthought. But I am so glad that we didn't miss seeing this absolutely breathtaking building. This is in the Thomas Jefferson building, but I felt like I was in Italy--it was so ornate, finely detailed, just amazing! So if you are reading this, and you want to go to D.C., don't miss walking into this beautiful building. 

 You can even take an elevator all the way up and look over the main reading room of the Library of Congress. My face in this picture sums up how I felt about that part. I am terrified of heights, and looking over the edge of that balcony totally gave me the freaks. But any normal person would have LOVED that overlook. It is literally breathtaking.

I had arranged through the office of my congressman to get a nice tour of the Capitol building. I was really excited about this part! The tour was kind of a flop because the rotunda is totally closed off due to the construction. I was really sad, and I wanted to see more! So I called back to the office and said, "Hey, I want to see more! How about the House chamber floor?" And they said okay! And that alone was worth the trip. It was amazing to be there, to think of all the things that have taken place in that very room. We just took a few minutes to soak it all in. That was definitely a highlight!

 My favorite spot in D.C. We were able to book a 3 hour tour of Arlington, and it was hands down the most interesting, moving, sacred part of our trip.

There aren't many words to describe what it's like to be here. 

The rest of the day we hit up the monuments. It was a long day. Between Arlington and all of the monuments, we walked 17 miles. It was awesome. 

 Also, I just found this picture. I think it's the best one of the whole trip!! Glad I found it. We look fab!

 The Jefferson Memorial was my fave. So massive and so Jeffersonian--that Neoclassic architecture! that dome! that symmetry! My little art historian-wannabe heart loved it.

 I also LOVED the MLK Memorial. Also, at this point, aren't you loving the creative poses in all of our selfie photos? We nailed it.

 WWII

 Korean War Memorial--I also loved this one! 

 We feel artsy fartsy about this photo. 

It was a really fun (and sweaty) day! The Lincoln Memorial was pretty neat, too.

That night we were feeling adventurous and we had some spare time, so I went out on a whim and said, "Let's take a bus out to Georgetown!" Scott said yes, and we were both so happy that we went! It was nice to have a chill, relaxed evening exploring that darling area! 

Seriously, look at it! 

Neatest little part of D.C.

I also had to include this picture, because how could we say no to a Georgetown Cupcake? Best cupcake I've ever had, no joke. Go get one. 

The next day, we had a catch-up day. We went to a couple of museums in the morning, and revisited the museums that we just felt like we didn't get enough time in. Yet, we still seriously missed so much! 1 week in D.C. is not enough time whatsoever. I guess it's just a good excuse to make Scotty take me back there again? ;) 

On our final day before heading out to catch our plane, we wrapped everything up by getting a peek at the White House.

 I had given up on selfies at this time. 

Sitting on a bench in Layfayette Square saying our goodbyes to Obama. JK, he probably wasn't even there (probably golfing). All jokes aside, this was a fun spot to finish out our trip! 

I think I've been pretty patriotic most of my life, having a pretty big love for all things American. But, oh man, I feel like that love has just multiplied after visiting this place! There is something so special about this city. I just LOVED this trip. 

**Also, can I just mention how amazing our host was? Scott's Uncle Mitch was so generous in letting us stay at his home (on Pennsylvania Ave!!) He was seriously so great--letting us stay there, lending us his car, making us dinner, giving us tips on how to get around, etc. We are so thankful for his hospitality! Seriously, the nicest guy! It was also so fun to meet and spend time with Scott's Aunt Becky and her sweet family! So many wonderful family members out there!  

  

This blog post is over, folks. #longestmostboringpostever